Fuck You World. I'm mad at you.

My mom doesn't get it. She doesn't understand my need to plug in. She doesn't understand how working on the things I'm good at - programming, digital art, graphic design, video productions - makes me a whole person. She doesn't get that without this, I'm nothing. I'm bored. It doesn't matter what I'm doing in any of my classes, what I'm doing with my friends, but not being able to do this, not being able to create things makes me less than a person.

I get so fucking bored.

Without this, it's like, what's the point? Why should I give a fuck?

I really hit it on the head the other week in my Career Talk for speech class - I'm an artist at the bone, I'm not happy unless I'm creating something. I'm honest-to-god not happy unless I'm creating something. I have to have a creative outlet or I'm not me.

My outlet these days is my Video Productions class. It's working with Gabe. It's bringing together snapshots and camera angles and seconds of video into a complete work of something else, hopefully something amazing. I'm good at it. I'm really good at it, one of the best video editors in the class when I've never touched the software before last month. This is a place where I can thrive.

And my mom doesn't get it.

It's not even that she won't let me take my laptop to school. It's not even that she thinks I'm not responsible enough to make sure it doesn't get stolen. Sure, that bugs me, but I can understand it on some leve. It doesn't get to me.

She called my Video Productions work a "silly little high school project".

It's the only directed, scholarly, creative work I have right now. It's important to me. It's worth risking things, because without it, I can't keep myself happy. It's my recharge, my refuel, my pit stop for self fulfillment and being me.

It's not silly.

It's important.